I have many days/weeks/months like this. You are a fabulous creative person with many people who love you. Feel the love, let the blues melt off you. . . take it from a first rate dork/clown, it gets better.

HUGS!

I jhave found that it helps to recognise that it’s clinical depression. What i do is I take relatively side-effect free drugs for a long time. feel better. I took a long time to find the drugs that did work for me ( lotsa false starts, things that made me worse, etc ) but eventually, I found em and then I was set.

Seriously, its very hard to just power your way through depression. At the end of the day, no matter how positive you try to think, its not something you can will yourself out of. At least, the last few thousand years of recorded history have shown millions of people trying with few successes.

Look at almost any artist you’ve loved and you will find this struggle against the curse that comes with creativity. When i accept the gift and avoid the curse, I will have outwitted Nature. Whoohoo!

I love your creativity. Look at almost any artist you’ve loved and you will find this struggle against this curse that coincides with creativity.

My mother always said it was a curse that came to creatives. But I think it may be the other way around. I think its possible most of us creatives may develop that positivity and constructive expression as a response to depression – using our whole being developing brilliant ways to feel better despite a black cloud overhead.

I have found that it helps me to recognise that it’s depression. And that this is an illness that kills people. Lots of people, every year. It helps me to take it seriously, take myself seriously, to stop feeling crappy about feeling crappy! To stop having damaging interior conversations like like “I have no right to be miserable”…which is a retarded argument against myself because its not as though thats a right I would *want*.

Seriously, its very hard to just power your way through depression. At the end of the day, no matter how positive you try to think, its not something you can will yourself out of. At least, the last few thousand years of recorded history have shown millions of people trying..which goes with my theory that this is our instinctive response. Unfortunately its usually progressive. Check out the noonday monster, book by a guy who got depressed and then looked for solutions. he found some, nothing defintive for all people, but something for everyone.

My solution is I take relatively side-effect free drugs for a long time. I feel better. it took a long time to get to feeling better. I took a long time to find the drugs that did work for me ( lotsa false starts, things that made me worse, etc ) but eventually, I found em and then I was set. Kinda. i still have bummer days, I still get depressed. Every year though, it gets less, not more, which is a reversal of my life pre medication. So, y’know, it works for me.

Drugs or no, either way I wish you well. You seem fabulous to me. You deserve better.

Crap, is that the right ‘too’? Maybe it’s ‘to’. See? We all have moments.

It’s plain to see that you have many friends who care and think the world of you so you must not be all that crappy….:)

I always feel better when I think about all the other people that must be feeling crappy today, then I don’t feel so alone. We have all done and said stupid things. Some people never realize it and that’s a tragedy. You did and from that springs growth and maturity. Yep, coming to such realizations really hurts, but the rewards are amazing.

Just keep being who you are!

Love,

Nancy X0

Why have I not seen all these posts you’ve been doing? It’s like you dropped off my bloglines. Weird technology.

I do this all the time as well – and have come to realize that everyone who matters forgives me for “sucking”. Or, if they are Angie, they harrass you about it until you’re laughing too.

Hope you’re feeling better now.